I am Who I am

MY LIFE

2007-07-31T23:52:12Z

Ok im going to come right out and say it beyond what im about to tell you is a message from Nov 12, 04.
Todays date is 7.31,07. Heres the events in quicktime what has happend in my life since that message. I met Destiny liked her then after a week fell in love. I then move down to aurora (where she lived) and we move in together after about 6 months then in october of 05 we got married. Now we make another jump to july of 06 me and destiny are still married and are having some trouble started with me wanting another women i ended moving out the got back with her again with in a month then she told me that she didnt think she was ready and still wanted her freedom. More bad words and thoughts and feelings which i wont go into unless you wish to know. But anywho i got back with her in Nov again and its been touch but i thought good since another jump this time to 7,31,07. She informs me that she is quote " bored and not where she thought she would be" i still love her but tired of the wishisy washy nature so i told her then fine find some one else well now shes going to move the mattress in the other room. This weekend i was supposed to go see girl friend of mine and she has the only vehicle ,cause mines broke , and before she was going to drive up there drop me off stay at a friends house and then pick me up in the morning but now its drop me off, and find a way home or find a way up then a way back or Dont go at all. Ive been trying to get up there for three weeks. sorry anger just need to calm. this is not meant as a hate destiny just thought i should type it out to get it ous cause i have nobody to talk to yet.

Nov ,12,04
Once again
Once again i have not written in a while. Well what is going on in my life is that its almost D-day. Meaning that ill be going to see Destiny for the first time. The trip is going to be 217 miles or 4 hours and some odd minutes. All the while all I will have to do is THINK about whats going to happen, What i will say, What She will think UH. So many thoughts about everthing. Lots of what if's. I guess I should relax and just wait and see.

Well I changed my oil, got brake fluid ( just in case ), added some antifreeze, got power steering fluid ( which i needed ) and am going to greese my truck.

I hope she likes me and I hope I like her. When I say like i mean attraction. I already know I like her personality. WAIT AND SEE RIGHT!

For all those who didnt recieve my last messages

2004-11-22T02:52:00Z

Once again
Once again i have not written in a while. Well what is going on in my life is that its almost D-day. Meaning that ill be going to see Destiny for the first time. The trip is going to be 217 miles or 4 hours and some odd minutes. All the while all I will have to do is THINK about whats going to happen, What i will say, What She will think UH. So many thoughts about everthing. Lots of what if's. I guess I should relax and just wait and see.

Well I changed my oil, got brake fluid ( just in case ), added some antifreeze, got power steering fluid ( which i needed ) and am going to greese my truck.

I hope she likes me and I hope I like her. When I say like i mean attraction. I already know I like her personality. WAIT AND SEE RIGHT!

As for everthing else im going to have to go on unemployment soon. Ill be getting layed off Which sucks. Hope ill be able to pay rent im sure i can so long as i can get unemployment. Lots of shit in my head right at this moment.
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Friday, November 12th, 2004
7:17 pm
The usual
Well its been another couple of weeks since I wrote. I suppose I shall tell you of what is happening. I got my raise Huray. Im trying to get out of my lease which you already know but what you don't know is that I've looked into the legals of it and it looks promising.

New subject I have for the past seven or so days talked to a girl call Destiny ( online and on the phone ). I was introduced to her through Shannen. Destiny and I have a kind of weird " connection " its not really weird. This connection happens all day for ex. I'll feel like shit no emotions or anything then ill go home start talking and she will comment how bleah she feelt well thats happend just about everyday ill feel her emotions. From what i know of her Which is a lot I like her. Shes nice, she has a really great personality. She like just about everthing i like and i mean just about everthing. She has this cute little onry personality. I like her so far ALOT. I have a good idea what she looks like. She is also looking for the same thing I am. Like love, someone to hold, someone to talk to. Even if we don't get " together " I know ill have made a good friend.

Well thats about it I plan on going down their right after Thanksgiving day. Thats my life so far go to work come home talk sleep work etc...

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Neihbors stupid stero blairing
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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
4:20 pm
Everything
Well its been what a month since I have written in my lj. Not much has changed. I may have found a new friend. OR possible more only time will tell.
I have done the usual work, sleep, listen, watch. I plan on asking my boss for a raise because the amount of pay I get isnt worth the work. Thats what my life consists of. Life goes on as usual. I know I look for the same thing everyone esle does that mystyrious thing called LOVE. Yes Love that nasty four letter word. Im curious to know whether it is as good as they say it is. I'm almost afraid to find out because if I do like its so I have the possibility of becoming just another drone. O well I will deal with what ever comes at me in life just as I have in the past. Well everyone have a good day.

Current Music: tatu cd

theonewhosees @ 2004-10-23T12:19:00

2004-10-23T17:22:48Z

Well I now have the internet so no delayed e-mails.

Poem of Life

2004-10-22T19:14:53Z

In the gloom of night
This place that has no light
I walk alone
No one but my own
No one to care
No one to share
I wander this empty place
No one to know
No one to show
To bear it all on my own
I have to face this alone.

Writen by: The one who sees

So what do you think? It just poped into my head.

LIFE

2004-10-09T03:41:56Z

Does anyone know how I feel. I doubt it my thoughts and feelings are jumbled and too dreary. You know I think I will tell you what I feel not that any one truly cares. If someone does truly care then I am sorry for what I just said.

I feel love and hate for all of you I feel like im the same as all of you and at the same time I feel like Im different to all of you. All the women I have ever liked something has come up such as they move or date someone else or are not sexually attracted to me. It is really starting to piss me off. I have been told I need to open up. I have been told that Im good looking. Where has this gotten me no fucking where. I try to make my feelings know but when I do people run. Im sick of this shit I love life and yet it sucks enough im tempted to shoot my self. The one Freagen thing that stops me is the desire to do magick. I know I know im bitching and moaning I know what most people would say. "YOU SHOULD BE THANKFULL YOU HAVE A JOB AN APPARTMENT WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT YOUR LIVING" Fuck you. I hear that shit all the time. Life doesn't mean much to me anymore as for the appartment and job I would rather be spirtulaly rich. But no soceity dictates that I should have a job and get money MONEY MONEY MONEY. People in todays world have become to greedy. Oh who knows maybe I will me my girl Maybe ill find spiritual inlightenment Maybe the world will change and we will stop being so greedy and we will learn to accept each other for who we are not our race, color, religion, sex and size. What ever Anymore the world seems like a fucked up place to me. I wish you all a happy life and not one plagued by me or my ramblings and not one of war and destruction but one of peace and true enlightenment. NOT A SUICIDE NOTE E-mail me with your thoughts and opinions "darkknightkill@yahoo.com"

I am always asking questions

2004-09-21T22:31:49Z

Ok todays question is who reapetedly got angry. Ok that is todays question their was no sarcasem i meant it in all seriousness. Well sorry shannen I'm didn't send it out yesterday. Im puting it in the envolope tonight.

well that figures

2004-09-19T00:59:09Z

You are the Magician card. Magick is the use of the
will to effect change in reality. The will is
the ability to direct knowledge and experience
towards an end goal. The Magician is capable of
manipulating his environment because he knows
it so well. He effects the thoughts and
emotions of those around him. Therefore, the
Magician is often thought of as an artist,
writing or speaking in a way that strongly
influences others. The Magician understands how
to bring concepts into form and how to express
metaphysical concepts in a physical way. He is
seen with the symbols of each suit: a disk, a
cup, a sword and a wand. These symbols are each
a physical expression of a concept. They are
The Magician's tools. Following after The Fool,
The Magician acts as a messenger. His planet is
Mercury, who is Messenger of the Gods. He
brings The Fool into the new world that The
Fool seeks. The Magician represents the act of
creation. Because he can use his knowledge to
form something new, he seems to be able to make
a thing appear out of a void. Image from: L. S.
Irish.
http://www.muttart.com/originals/magician.htm

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

URGENT EVERYONE READ ( WILD EMOTIONS) WORD FOR WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRUST ME

2004-09-15T18:05:01Z

Hey pat this is Max I am an empath and I have felt the energys you speak of. I myself have had Some inner turmoil. But on some nights I have felt the biggest boost of good energy and felt great for an hour or a day then it just pooph is gone. I have been able to stay calm all you have to do is control your emotions wether good or bad you must control them. I have it you said yourself that people are opening up which means there are alot of novices out there. Which inturn means that they dont know what they are doing so they are subconsiously releasing massive amounts of energy ie: hatred , love , fear , Sexual. So in my theory what we are feeling is pulses of millions of peoples energy I HAVE IT WE ARE ALL TRYING TO CONNECT WITH EACH OTHER THAT IS IT WE WANT TO CONNECT. So don't fear it just accept it but be sure you all have your emotions under control. I admit even I don't but I am close.

Will everyone please read this I have something to say!

2004-09-12T21:24:39Z

Hello everyone hope your all feeling better. Now to what i have to say. I would like to thank everyone one. I would like to that Shannen for everything. She gave me guidance and confidence beyond recognition I thank you the most Thank you one last time.

I would like to thank Pat for being a teacher and being their if and when I need help.

I would like to thank Kim for reawakening me and showing me something I dont have the words for but Shannen might ask her if she doesnt know what im talking about that is ok. But thank you again Kim I appreciate everything you have done.

Now to my actual journal I hate my steak n shake job but fortunately I have a full time job. I will hope fully go to missouri this coming weekend. (my grandparents place to acquire my books and such) I am going to make a really beautiful magick chest. I have already started a Magickal/coincidental journal. well not much else going on. Except I worked a total of 42 hours this week average work period was 7:30am to 7:00pm. I hope to see all of you soon. Have a good day everyone bye.

I am PURE Pooph (sure)

2004-09-09T03:20:22Z

I scored
91¾%
on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!

Hi everyone

2004-09-02T03:29:27Z

Sorry I havn't e-mailed or did a live journal in a while. Well I have had an eventful week so far. Such as I got a job at steak n shake ( for a little extra money). I have also met someone ( no were not dating) and guess what her name is give up its Shannon lol shannon/shannins are just poping up all over in my life. Her, me and her friends are going out tommorw (thursday). I hope we have fun but unfortunatly not only do i have to work my day job i have to work at steak n shake till 9pm. Well Iam trurly sorry for my next comments but the comments are there only to help me better my self. SINGLE QUESTION What did i say to upset kim so much???? plz let me know thanks.

Change of subject so what are you all going to do down there? Well what every you do have fun. By the way pat and shannen with this extra job I will be able to go down there more easily. If that is ok with you And it IS up to you. Well have fun everyone. Bye

NO INTENTION

2004-08-26T18:12:16Z

I HAD NO INTENTION OF SOUNDING RUDE IN MY LAST JOURNAL ENTRY. SO PLEASE NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE TAKE IT THAT I WAS BEING AN ASS IN THE LAST ONE I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. SO I GOT A LITTLE UPSET SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE.

What the ****

2004-08-26T18:04:34Z

What the F*** why am i a prick I said all of those things with out sarcasm what did i do wrong. Well im speechless i mean ----------- icant even think what to say. I I that actually hurts. No sarcasm im still stunned. If this is about the brian thing or is about the stab me with a stick those were only mean a jokes or metaphors as for brian i know nothing of him so their for i cant judge him. Geezzz that i i still stunned. What ever. What the hell did i do Ok I can deal with this. A WARNING TO EVERYONE I HAVE A TENDENCY TO TAKE EVERY WORD SEOURIOUSLY SO PLZ DON'T SAY ANYTHING THAT COULD HARM ME BECAUSE UNFORTUNETLY I DONT FORGET THOSE THINGS. Sorry kim you feel that way I'm still not sure what I did wrong. Could it be about the comment on the ashma thing? If so i know what it was like to have ashma i still have a little tiny bit. I do pity your situation Im getting off the subject now.( no sarcasm)

Hey Shannen I truly wish I could get out of house sitting. You have no idea how much I want to come down. Even if I could get out of it I don't think I could afford it right now. Tell Amos I said hi and im going to do my best to get down there some time soon. Dang it I want to go down there. Wish I could change my name and just leave everything. Then move down their. I will see what happens its on the second? if for some odd coincidental reason I can I will notify you.

ok everyone

2004-08-25T22:17:26Z

Damn people stab me with a stick and light me on fire and watch me burn. I can under stand where all of you are coming from I did the reading to gain INSIGHT to what might happen like i said before I trust my self. I also to reasure you said I understand where you are coming from. No one did tell me what it was called to be able to read those up side down cards. And I know who stryker_boh or brian is now. Oh yes I have heard about you yes I have indeed. LOL oh man I have heard good and bad so don't worry not that you would but any way. I don't want to sound like a poor me drama but I am still going to and no offense to kim. Guess what I did at work well have you guessed -pause to guess- I had to use hydrocloric acid fuck damn people I don't kuss a lot but shit. I had to use it to clean a patto I only used five gallons of a diluted solution but. I have to use it again this time around seven five gallon containers undiluted. Of course i will dilute though but let me tell you that reeks in two ways one it stinks and two havic on your lungs eventhough i had a mask on thats all for today except Go to NEWEGG.COM for all of your computer part they are cheap as can be i have check thanks max out.

Ok

2004-08-25T21:59:52Z

well when shannen did a reading on me then i did many on my self it came out the same. sorry i knonw iam being a little nieve (how every you spell it) but i trust my mind not to have bias. no offense. Oh and one more thing who is stryker_boh?

UPDATE UPDATE READ ALL ABOUT IT

2004-08-24T18:56:05Z

Well I have gotten a little bit wiser now. I'am under standing my self more i have more confindence. I also found out that I can whats it called (Ex. I read cards that were upside down they have a star, three squiually lines, a box, a circle, and one more thing.) Well I read the cards very accuratly so my psychic talent is gaining. I have be come a little more relaxed and such.

Ok I have a question I did three tarot readings on myself and they all pretty much came out the same. Their was no bias The question i have is what does it mean when all three ending tarot cards were major arcane (emporer, magician, and strength) But the most notiable thing was that all of them had and infinite sign or eternity sign. I'm almost positive i know what this means but i want your oppion. thanks bye

EVERYTHING

2004-08-22T21:05:30Z

Well kim sorry for your loss. I dont know how many people are reading this and really don't care sorry. Let be said I WILL NOT CONTACT ANY AFTER I RETURN KIMS MOVIES. Eventually I will of course. But I can assure you it will not before at least a week. The reason is I have contemplated too much and their for look at my life. Frankly I don't like it, this is not a cry for energy in fact try not to e-mail me unless i ask. That way i know i'm not getting your energy. I have a lot to think about. And maybe when its all over I will be alot wiser (not wiseass) Well thats all I have to say sorry i sounded rude BYE Talk to you in a couple of weeks.

I have found an article

2004-08-18T12:59:00Z

I have found an article in my new issue of popular science. If you understand it you will understand why i am so excited about it essenstialy says their is an unknown prove connection between molucules.

ARTICLE

The Vulcan ears of star trek fans perked up this summer when two research teams announced that they had successfully performed teleportation. But the scientists hadn't beamed william shatner to pluto (alas); their feat was solid-particle quantum state of a single atom to another atom without direct link between the two. This, expersts say is a breakthrough in the march toward the first quantum computer, a still theoretical machine that could take seconds to crunch the same numbers that today's best processors chew on for years.
Quantum teleportation - the instant transmission of information- isconducted through a phenomenon canlled entanglement, the mysterious connection between paired particles in which a change in oneparticle instantly causes the same change in the other, regardlesss of the distance between them. The experiments, which took place at the national institute of standards technology in Boulder, Coloroado, and at the university of innsbruck in austria, used three ions and one set of entagled particles to transfer the quantum sate of the first ion to the third with thelp from the second.
Scientist at the California Institute of Technonlgy demonstrated quantum teleportation of light phontons several years ago,( I max just realized that this means we have the possiblilty of teleportation are selfs) but this is the first time solid matter has been beamed. The latest success is "a major step forwar," says Carl Williams, chief of NIST's atomic physiscs division. YThe end result in perhaps 25 years, Williams says-might be a new type of cmputer that replaces traditional binary bits (1's and 0's) with quantum bits, or qubits, which would transmit and process data using entanglement instead of circuits. A mere 80 entangled qubitswill pack an impossible 151 trillion gigabytes of prcessing power- roughly correlated, 2.3 trillion times more than todays' best 64 bit architecture.

ALl of this means alot we have the potential to astral project or actual teleportation. And their is an unknow energy. I also have abook that actualy shows auras REAL pictures it show what a hand looks like normally (it sees electric currnet and discharge of electric current) and show what it looks like whent trying to put healing energy thourgh it BIG DIFFERNCE.

Hey kim

2004-08-17T21:39:45Z

Hey kim I'll be done with the book by thursday. Is their a time I can come and return them????? So anyway are you haveing fun? Did you get any more crystals? Hey shannen are you going to do a thing for hollows eve if so can I come?

WOW

2004-08-17T01:24:02Z

Well my preminitions are kicking in again. Yesterday I started to think about the show darma and greg and not just the show itself. I got a specific episode in my head and what do you know two hours later i turn on the TV an their it is the exact same episode and I do not lie so all of this is true. So i know i have lots of potential. So kim your in the big MO ( Boo hoo I want to be their also) all well. Hope fully i will be able to see you girls and guy soon. I honestly had fun down their it was so much fun. Well try to message me at maxmerphy@sbcglobal.com

Internet

2004-08-16T01:45:16Z

Hey can everyone please e-mail me their IM's and their e-mail address I dont have them any more. I suppose i should explain I have a phone and internet. sorry i didnt say any thing on my live journal. was gone this weekend.

Bastards

2004-08-14T00:18:24Z

Well iam still haveing trouble with my phone will see what i can do.

IAM PLUGED IN

2004-08-13T19:03:26Z

Well first of all sorry about your father Pat. There really isnt much to say Except my phone number is 785-331-2231. HIP HIP HORAY. Well I have nothing to report except that I believe my empath abilitys ,YES i have empath abilites, have doubled their efforts or something because i have been getting some headaches and I am getting alot of feelings from no where. good bad not only that but everytime Im around someone who has a large amount of pheromone production my production increases dramaticly. This may just be a biological response but none the less there may be one more reason for my pheromone production increase. O i dont want to tell but im trying not to be aloof. Well I did self hynosis for it TRUST me self hypnosis works ive tested it. Ok im on page 80 something in the tenth insight. So far it is just as good if not better than the first insight book. The only problem i have is the reference to god. Thats it have an excellent day and Pat a suggestion might be you could use the runes and a picture of your father to protect him and his valubles JUST a SUGGESTION.

Curious

2004-08-12T16:18:20Z

I was going to try and figure out what happend kim but i think it is better that i just stay out of it. i dont know who that was meant for everyone or one. Either way good luck. Now a change of subject The phone company didnt hook up my phone the ashholes So I most asuradly won't get phone until sat. Another change of subject I can't wait to see AVP Im very excited i know some of you wont understand why i like it so much SO i think i will tell you. Think about it this series give three races us predators, aliens if this were all true we would ALL have something to fight for our lives. Plus think of the technology the preds have. Both aliens, and preds anatomy it facinating. Well not much else except that im geting into druidism well scratch that im getting into everything.

Anything and everything

2004-08-12T00:07:21Z

To pat: I have no reason to be happy but instead of being upset or mad then I will be happy. So their for I don't need a reason. Im just generaly happy. Except for the Bastard phone company not hooking up my phone. Sorry but i have reason to be mad for that because Phone= internet which = IM.

To shannen: The runes I put on my wand are healing runes the runes I put on the paper are actually all kinds healing magick power and such ( it was all accedental) I figure there is no way i will be able to move any time soon I can probably guaruntee two months But I will do my absolute best to make it down their on Hollows eve. I believe i know how we can do telekinesis. But the only problem is that I will need a few people. All we would have to do is get into a circle and all of us use the same image to raise or move something. Once we do that OHH YEAH. Then WE can prove to the world. (AND POSSIBLE CREATE A TOTAL CHAOS). But any way telekinesis is one of the few things that can be seen. And recorded.

To Kim: What did you mean "Yes but currently I am otherwise occupied in my mind". Sorry I have two windows up so I can read your e-mail and then type what ever it is i have to say about your e-mail. No I havn't finished reading the insights At least not the tenth. Have you Read any of the books i let you borrow?. I will probable get through half of the book tonight though. Have a good rest BYE TO everyone